When companies started bottling water,
many people thought it was absurd to pay money to buy such a common public resource.
However, as earth’s waters became polluted by various human
activities, people started to buy purified water, and now every market sells
bottled water. In the twenty-first century, there is another valuable resource that
is becoming more and more polluted: air. It is not too difficult to imagine
purified air being bottled and sold in stores.
Many people were unaware about the
dangers of water pollution until tap water became undrinkable in certain parts
of the world. With the high rate of pollution, air may finally become dangerous
to breathe in industrializing countries. One of these countries is China which
is facing serious problems because of air pollution. China has made tremendous
progress in economic development, but a great deal of harmful emissions from countless
manufacturing industries has made areas within China desolate. This phenomenon
is often referred to desertification and deforestation which indicate that the
air in China has lost its ability to self-purify.
As a result, China’s air quality has
become extremely poor that some first-time visitors to China report to have felt
uncomfortable when breathing. Thus, the sale of purified air may first occur in
China and other cities in many countries may follow. People who are very
concerned about their well-being might begin to purchase such bottled air for
preventing respiratory illness, and later it may be a part of modern life, much
like drinking bottled water. If changes are not made, in a few decades, humans may
no longer be able to breathe freely.
Some people may laugh about this
because they think it will never happen. Nevertheless, no one can know the
future for sure, but what may feel like sudden changes may have been the result
of a lack of awareness and action. With desertification and deforestation
spreading on Earth, we must act before it is too late when air may become
another item on a grocery list.
Stores in the near future might be selling bottled air because the air is polluted way too much. I like your idea, and it is very likely to happen. I could have been better if you focused on air pollution and list a few other changes along with the bottled air.
답글삭제작성자가 댓글을 삭제했습니다.
답글삭제It was a nice time while reading your essay:)
답글삭제though there are some points that could be improved
-though I personally don't really prefer toefl style essays, since the concept of this task is about it, I thought it would have been better if you suggested another point that will occur in the 21st century. Your second and third paragraph is talking about the same topic, and of course it would make sense in an ordinary essay, but regarding the given conditions, these two paragraphs might have been combined as one paragraph.
-There are expressions such as ' Some people may laugh about this because they think it will never happen' and from what I felt, the essay had the premise that buying air is very rare and something hard to believe. However, there are already some places and stores that are selling bottled air, though it is only for the selective few who are rich.
-I didn't really perfectly get the part you've mentioned about the desertification and deforestation, but I thought it is quite irrelevant from the topic. Deforestration or desertification is a phenomenon that is being occured as the result of the Global warming and climate changes,and these are not really the result of the air pollution. Though all environmental protections are related, it kind of felt wierd. (Maybe you wanted to say that the air pollution is going to be more severe since there will be less forests and plants??)
Anyways, these are just my humble opinions, and it's 100% up to you whether to consider these or not.^^
작성자가 댓글을 삭제했습니다.
답글삭제A refreshing idea! Bottled air! Plus, I liked the last sentence of your essay,'we must act before it is too late when air may become another item on a grocery list'. The expression you used here totally leaves an impact to the readers. But just two things. First, I do agree on the part that air may not be free in the coming future, but I do not think that bottled air is much plausible, since how much can you get from a bottle of air? Rather, I think that one will pay money according to the amount of fresh air they use up, just like the water dispenser in the present date. Second, I believe your essay could have been much better if you included some more researched information and supported your arguments thoroughly by writing some more.
답글삭제Anyways, I enjoyed your essay very much! :)